Friday, July 17, 2015

A Ride With Mang Caloy


            I was humming an OPM song while standing outside the gate. I usually ride tricycle going to school. This day, my class was at 8:30 but I needed to go early to finish my project.
 A green rustic tricycle stopped in front of me. I hesitated for a moment, wishing our neighbor Mang Ponce who drives his brand new tricycle would pop out to save me from riding this old one. But since I wasn't certain if Mang Ponce was still around and realizing I was being maarte, I stepped into the tricycle.
            The road heading to the national highway was slippery due to the heavy rain last night. The driver, a 40-something man, might’ve noticed my scrutiny because he smiled shyly and said,
            “Pasensiya na, Miss. Magre-retire na ang traysikel ko pero kelangang kumayod.”
            Then a bump made the hanging picture to fall down in front of me. I immediately got it and quickly glimpsed at the thin boy holding a yellow toy gun.
            “Si Balong yan, apo ko.”
            I nodded and noticed that instead of pride that usually shines in the eyes of grandfathers when they talk about their grandsons or grandchildren, I saw pity and sorrow. It was not hard for me to realize why those emotions were present in his eyes. The stained jacket over faded Marlboro shirt, torn jeans and the thin dark slippers on his crooked feet were the proof that poverty is his daily companion.
            “Tiyak naghihintay na yun sa akin,” he said in a lower voice that was almost a whisper; it’s as if he’s talking to himself. It was then it hit me; he’d buy their breakfast from his early pasada- including my fare. But what if it wouldn’t be enough, would they have to wait until noon time?
            I really didn’t know what went through me. It might have been the sorrow I saw in his eyes. Or I was carried away by the pity I felt after seeing his clothes as rustic and as old as his tricycle....I really didn’t know. All I really felt were excitement when I asked him to stop for a while, then graciousness when I entered the bakeshop near a grocery store.
            That graciousness turned into joy as I went back into the tricycle with him waiting patiently. As soon  as we arrived and  I paid him, I stepped out and walked toward our school gate.
            “Miss, naiwan niyo po ang dala niyo,” he shouted, in his hands were the bags containing bread and groceries I bought. I smiled and went back.
            “Para po yan sa inyo,” I said. I saw shock registered into his lined face before his eyes welled with tears.
            “S-Salamat” was all he could say in his soft, broken voice. His face was a picture of gratitude.
            I never saw him again as days passed by. I became busy with the examination and projects that I failed to share that memorable day with my family and friends.
            One Friday night we celebrated our Linguist Club Anniversary. It was a couple of minutes past eleven in the evening when my friends and I went out of the gym. It was raining hard, the street glistening with puddle.  Then a familiar green rustic tricycle approached us. Confident I was in safe hands, I parted from my friends.
            While heading home, I was not able to make a conversation with him due to the heavy rain. But as soon as we arrived in our gate, he flashed me his greatest smile.
            “Kahit sa ganitong paraan man lang ay mapasalamatan kita sa kabutihan mo,” he said. He didn’t accept the coins I offered. After I said my thanks, I ran into our gate. Then he waved before driving off.
            I was cold and wet all over when I entered our living room. There I saw my father and Mang Ponce deeply engaged in a conversation. My mother ushered me into the kitchen but not before hearing what Mang Ponce said.
            “The Cooperative will be taking care of his family. The accident was so horrible he died at around ten this evening.”
            “What’s his name?” my father asked.
            “Caloy Ragado. And he owned that old, green tricycle. I saw Jea rode him two weeks ago.”
            I dropped the towel my mother gave me when it hit me. A dead tricycle driver drove me home just to repay the kindness I once shared. 

Becoming...


      After more than a year of being a young public teacher, there are things I realized in life; things which seemed insignificant to me when I was still that silent, nineteen year-old girl. These things, or lessons made me see life in bigger, wider perspective. So let me share them with you.

            Your career will test you- this is one of the most important things I realized. Fresh from college, I was 21 when I entered public teaching. The actual classroom environment brings out the best and worst in you. I was disappointed, frustrated, and enlightened with the different realities I witnessed before my blinded eyes. Old non-readers and slow readers, below average intelligence and slow learners made my first year of teaching maddening. But I accepted them all as a challenge and made me persevere more. When we talk about career, it also means your relationship with your colleagues. All of us have our irritating or negative attitude, so it is already expected that either we like or it not, people will say something behind our back. What I realized is that in some point in our lives, pretending to be deaf or blind also helps us in dealing with the personalities of our colleagues. I also met people who seemed genuine but when needs or competitions come, their hidden “wolves” come out ‘to devour it all’. For this kind of people, I let them be. They have their reasons and needs; I have mine, too. And though I do not have a hidden “wolf” in me, I do have a “wild cat”, cruel, unfeeling and cold.  I share a kind of cruelty but I hope there won’t be a time that I would show this “wild cat”.

            A listening ear also wants to be listened to-most people would say I am friendly. I do not have a lot of friends but I am proud to say that all of them aren't fake. Most of the time, I am the listening ear. I listen with their frustrations, deepest secrets, doubts, uncertainties and problems that even their closest kin do not know. I am glad they trust me, that they value my opinion and heed my pieces of advice, that they depend on me and that I am part of their lives. I am thankful being their emotional anchor. But lately, I realized that while I help them carry their emotional baggage, I find it hard to air out my own angst in life. The reasons for this are first; to them I seemed matured and emotionally stable that they automatically think I can solve my own dilemmas, and second I prefer being the shoulder to cry on than the one crying. So just like last week, instead of dialing a friend whom I know would listen to me, I ended up hugging my pillow and let it catch the tears I suppress. These drawbacks made me realize that in order for me to be more matured , I also need to be listened to. I know people who are there for me and ready to be my listening ear, I just have to open up more.

            When you have a stable job, marriage talks are inevitable- you might be laughing right now but yeah, at 23 I find it hard to avoid these marriage talks. The conversation often starts with curious people asking your age, your job, your love life and ultimately, your “plans” to settle down. I really do not feel that I am pressured but these talks often lead me to thinking about my future marital life. Most of my childhood friends are already building their own family, there are only few of us left savoring the freedom of being single. Whenever I see their cute babies, I could feel the desire to be a mother. Also during our Graduate school classes, our professors tell us to settle down because it’s not easy to “find” a lifetime partner when you’re hooked with your teaching career, and yeah some guys are intimidated once they knew you’re a teacher.  There are only three of us at Grad school being ‘free’ and a week ago, both Ma’am RO and Ma’am RR dropped the bomb and proudly told me to expect wedding invitations this year. Ma’am DP (That’s me!) was speechless. I looked in their eyes and I knew they both finally felt that “ready-to-get-married” feeling. They also encourage me to start considering the idea of getting married but what the heck, I do not even have a boyfriend to discuss such idea. I fell in love once and right now, my first love is still the only man I loved (take note: past tense). I do not look for it, I let life take care of it because right now being in a relationship is not my priority. I am not emotionally and mentally ready to settle down. They said it will just come to me if it’s meant for me. Though single, I am happy and contented with my status.  After all, I’m just 23 so I just have to ‘bear’ these talks because I also learn from them. I still have my older (also a free bird) sister to nag about her getting tied, haha.

Promises won’t hurt you if you knew the person who promised is just lying- do I sound bitter? Haha, I guess I’m not. I have learned this important lesson a year ago. Do not believe in promises when that person can’t look straight in your eyes and you have the ‘gut’ feeling that something is wrong. I met several people who love making promises but their insincerity is painfully obvious you instantly dismiss her/ his promise. For this kind of people, let them be. Broken promises won’t hurt you without your consent anyway.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

poems

Somebody
Somebody is missing someone
who likes to be with the one
who dreams of being with somebody
...na-gets nyo?

his eyes

it all started during our class break. He was laughing with our friends when suddenly his smile gone and stared at nowhere. that was the time I looked intently at his face and noticed he has nice pair of dark eyes shadowed with wonderful lashes